The Mistake
by Carbo
Summary: Trunks makes a mistake that turns out to be a blessing. Written in Trunks' point of view. (a T/P fic)


The Mistake  
  
By Carbo  
  
Authors notes: This is quite an interesting fic for two reasons: First of all it's written in Trunks' point of view, in a sort of 'diary' style. Second, it's a spur of the moment fic, written from the heart in the middle of the night in one hour. It was written with feeling instead of well planned thought. The fic is very touching, yet very ascetic and simple.  
  
It's weird you know, all my best ideas, they always come when I'm alone at 1.00 am and feeling sorta.dreamy.  
  
Anyways, prepare your self for a slightly angsty and romantic reading experience!  
  
P.S. Pan is at least eighteen in this one.  
  
1 Rating: PG-13, subtle sexual implications  
  
  
  
2 September 7th  
  
Last night I made a mistake. And I'm not talking about eating dairy products after the expire date. This is something much bigger than that, something much more serious. Right now I'm standing on a very narrow ledge, and I could fall into the mud-pitt any moment, screwing something very important to me.  
  
What exactly did I do then?  
  
Last night, four o'clock in the morning after a few glasses of wine, I did the thing that you should never do without putting some serious thought into it : I slept with a close friend. I slept with a girl or a woman that has been there to lighten and mess up my life from age four.  
  
Why I did it isn't all that clear to me and I've been asking myself that question for the entire day. Maybe it was just two lonely people, trying to find comfort from each other. Maybe the fact that we were both a bit tipsy from the wine had something to do with it. But the more I try to think about it, the less sense everything makes. I have no idea what to do, what to feel, what is fake what is real. Truth is, for the first time in my life I think I'm utterly and completely lost. This has all caught me by surprise, these emotions, these questions and my incomprehensible decisions.  
  
I don't even know whether to regret it or not. Physically - and even mentally - it was wonderful, an experience that I would most definitely want to repeat and remember for the rest of my life. The passion, the intensity of it all just overwhelmed me. I could feel the union even in the darkest most troubled corners of my soul, shedding some light into those murky hidden depths. A refreshing and salvaging light.  
  
For a moment I felt free, complete and safe, and even though I still felt the sting of loneliness at the back of my heart, at least it was the dulled by the knowledge that I wasn't alone.  
  
But yet afterwards the act bothered me, weighed my heart with uncertainty and guilt. What if I had just taken advantage of her? What if she was in fact in love with me and had forever destroyed our relationship.  
  
I don't really know what kind of a mess I'd gotten myself into. But I know the consequences won't be easy to be dealt with.  
  
Where do I stand now with Pan? What does she think of me, what do I of her? Was it just a one night stand, one night of simple lust. Or was it something else? A symptom of something much bigger and more dangerous. Something that goes by the name of love.  
  
Love. It must be the scariest word I know. I don't think I've ever said it to anyone. It's a word that makes you vulnerable, happy, safe and afraid all at the same time. A powerful word for a powerful emotion, one that can't be thrown around carelessly. If you say it too soon, or to the wrong person, the only thing you will get is heart ache and humiliation.  
  
I've known Pan for pretty much my entire life, probably as well as one person can know another. And I know for a fact that I love her, as dearly as a friend can love another. But to love her the way I loved her last night, is something entirely different. Something that in the end might just end up hurting both of us.  
  
I suppose knowing her so well is part of what makes it so difficult. She already knows my flaws, my insecurities and mistakes. She's seen my worst as well as my best. Too close for comfort I guess.  
  
It would be so much easier to just seek comfort in stranger, and to forget everything afterwards. But Pan will always be around, in one way or another. I would have to face her, and myself in the morning.  
  
Actually that's something I have yet to do. I left her before she woke up, too confused and ashamed to face her then. She hasn't yet taken contact either, probably for the same reason. I hate this, not knowing what to do, just waiting here in this empty apartment for something to happen.  
  
There's nothing more horrible than waiting for the axe to fall.  
  
  
  
3 September 8th  
  
She showed up at my apartment this evening, and by the look in her tired eyes I could tell she wasn't alright. Instantly I felt the terrible sting of guilt assault my insides.  
  
It took a long while before neither of us came up with the courage to say something, but after we did we talked and mostly fought for the next two hours. Eventually she asked me what I wanted from her. I said I didn't know. It was the truth, I didn't. At least I thought so. I wasn't sure about anything anymore.  
  
She was angry, there was no doubt about that. But behind the anger in I could see pain. The pain of someone who was confused and desperate. The same pain that I knew reflected from my eyes. And as we gazed at each other after yelling for the last two hours, there was nothing left to say. We were both so tired, tired of hiding, lying and fighting.  
  
And suddenly I stopped caring. I didn't worry about my terrified little heart, and it's fears of getting hurt, the confusion or insecurity. I just saw her eyes, her lovely pain filled eyes, pain that I had undoubtedly caused. At that moment I forgot everything else but the want to comfort her, to protect her, to keep her safe and warm. And the need for her to do the same for me.  
  
So I reached out to her, wiped away the tears that were attempting to slide down her flushed cheeks and softly pressed her lips to mine. She clung to me desperately, everything about her hungry for love, for devotion, for truth.  
  
In that kiss I could feel it clearly for the first time.  
  
I loved her.  
  
I suppose I had been a fool, one hell of an ass in fact. I had been so blinded with my own misery and fear, that I never had the courage to look the truth in the eye and come face to face with my mistakes. Kissing her finally did that.  
  
She looks so peaceful as she lay here beside me, so innocent and beautiful, the pale starlight falling on her face as wind breezes from the open window and caresses her dark hair. I touch her face ever so gently, careful not to wake her from her slumber.  
  
She just looks so beautiful, my little, brown eyed mistake.  
  
  
  
-End-  
  
So did you like it? Hate it?  
  
Feel free to flame me! 


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